Sunday, January 26, 2014

Happiness. Love. My life. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The kind of happy that curls your toes. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Laura Arual feels good about the wedding plannin, though every once in a while she is reminded that she will soon be his wife and it makes her giggle with glee. 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

"I'm marrying you not a dress. Get married in dirty yoga pants." Said the best fiancé ever tonight. 
I must remember : love myself, and do not get sucked into the bridal vortex. 

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Stopping the crazy train

A reminder to myself:
Read this many times
I want to plan a wedding that is worthy of our love. But fear I won't. Lack of knowledge, creativity. Time and money. 

Friday, January 3, 2014

A moment perfect

I am engaged. Officially. Formally. Chris asked. I said yes. It took minutes to realize this was serious. Me and him. The official proposal. I have a fiancé, including a keyboard that knows to put the accent on fiancé. He is my fiancé. My betrothed.
  Stuck in my head is the chorus from that rod Stewart song, "you're in my heart, you're in my soul, you'll be my breath when I grow old, you are my lover, you are my best friend." The rest of the lyrics don't match, but the chorus is so true. Nothing makes more sense. I just look at him sometimes and I am breathless with love for him. I can hardly believe how matched he is for me. 
   Standing in the kitchen, when I realized he wasn't joking, that he was serious I saw that I was wearing one red tipped white converse ankle sock. And frying meatballs for meatball subs. Not at all how I pictured the moment, but could anything have been more us. Good grief, talking about cell phones minutes before then he is telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and asking me to marry him. As I cook food to turn into sandwiches. 
 He makes me feel beautiful.

Songs that I want to play for him 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Taken tonight before burning and releasing it on the deck. Definitely a cathartic feeling. Put here to remind myself of what was let go in moments of temptation to return to old habits. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I have realized that despite discovering that the cat peed in my library, I am having an entirely satisfying New Years day, doing the things I like to do. Why celebrate the old, when you can celebrate the new? 
This is the first post to the new year. A daunting task. It will be one under January 2014. Like starting the first page of the new notebook, digitally. I know it will be a day late, but I like the idea of taking your fears and writing them and then burning those little pieces of paper. I am going to do that tonight.
   I also want to talk to Chris about the theme word of the year. Last year the word was home and my desire to make our house our home. Gag, that sounds like something that should be on Pinterest. But true, and I think that I succeeded. We succeeded. With much laughter, some tears, a bit more yelling than either of us would have liked. A lot, I realize, too many expectations for 2013 to be like 2012. Not fair. Each year is its own, and nothing can ever top 2012 for its year of firsts. It was a year of adreinelaine from start to finish. 2013 was hard, a lot of shitty shit happened that made the year and this relationship real, but we got through it. We survived and, like I told his sleeping form last night, it made us stronger as an us.
The word for this year should be communication. It was that break down in communication that led to the tears and the yelling. Not being clear with words, not being open with listening. I need to work this year on being transparent and open.