Laura Arual wants to be her best self with you.

Laura Arual marvels at his patience - she would have thrown the bloody thing across the room. 

Laura Arual is happy and loved as distance is put between them and the weekend of awful. 

I don't understand. I need the full story. Not voyeuristic details, but what happened so I can understand what happens now. 

Laura Arual wonders if she will ever figure this out. Each time she thinks she has, it changes. 

Reflections

Today is a day, driven by biology, to play hooky from life. Lie very still in bed and read. Think of foods that might not make me barf. And read. This time a reread of Chris' blog. He'd laugh if he knew. God, I love his blog, the way he plays with words, how he tells a story, weaving fact with fiction, how he rants on issues, again inserting bits of himself in it. So clever and sharp and funny and biting and tender. It has been years since he wrote. One of the last posts was about our first date. I should have known then that two years later I would be sitting on our sheet covered couch, and just have gone with it-a guy who wrote an entire blog post about me... how could I resist. Or the post about going to toronto and helping someone make tough choices. We have never talked about that incident, all I know is what he posted, but I think it was at that moment a more self-aware person would have been aware that she was falling for him - i cried and got goosebumps when i first read that post. Even if i wasnt sitting on our sheet protected couch, that is still one of the most beautiful and raw things i have ever read. Rereading it today, i wiped away more tears than the first time. And if that same situation arose today, i would hope i would put him on the greyhound because i think i know why he had to. 

   He doesn't write anymore. He no longer has the interest or the attention for it. But, That blog stole my heart - I had more than a little crush on the writer.  I knew I wasn't the "you" he was writing to, but I envied her. I wanted someone to feel that way about me, and I was mad that anybody could be mean to him. Didn't they know just how goddam sweet he was? Again, he'd scoff.

   It makes me want to write again. Always that urge driving me forward. Fiction. Journaling. Whatever. I think I am running out of reasons not to. 

Laura Arual thinks they are the silly ones, and they don't even know it. 

A quiet day. Alone. Accidentally playing hooky from work and life. Not even any housework today. I reread almost all of off-facebook. That is usually what I do on days like this.
   It surprises me how many people have blogs and don't maintain them. So much passion and energy and promise poured into those first few entries and then nothing. I feel sad for those broken digital promises. Like a digital notebook left with thousands of blank pages.
   As I lie here updating my own little corner of the internet, I realize how these escape from life days recharge me. They allow me to recharge, resettle, reground. And. gold stars to me for not spending all day playing bejewelled or doing housework - my default activities when without obligation.
   I've been contemplating something called the 101 things in 1001 days - I like and dislike the idea of a list because when you can check off what you have done, it is exhilerating, but when you don't, I want to crawl into bed with the covers over my head. I first read about it on Shelly's blog, and so, I poked around on the internet. 
   I like the idea. My challenge will be to make a fun list.

Reflections

A neglected blog. One not updated regularly. This has become one of those blogs, I'm not sure why - I'm not any more sad or struggling than I usually am. Just one day I stopped writing, and then the next, and so on.
And yet, a blog glimpsed tonight from a long ago friend, if she can do that, why did I stop.
No reason,

Laura aural has a night full of happiness because her Ella is home.